Two things about conflict: first - it is not fun; second - it can give way to immense levels of deeper joy. Conflict can actually be a beautiful gift like a lighthouse before the cliffs; a way to recognize the deeper issues of the heart and bring about a greater calling and deeper levels of connection rather than destruction.
When dealing with conflict, a typical response is to figure out what the issues are that separate, and give response to those issues. If we are to win conflict this way, all we need is a louder argument (even if it is just passive) or a smarter attorney. If one party wins, no one really wins…there is brokenness.
Maybe we could look at conflict differently? The surface issues involved in conflict are almost always symptoms of deeper needs of the heart. Whether it is fear, pride, greed, insecurity, rejection, or all of the above, lurking below is always a reason why this issue is difficult. What if instead of looking at the issues right in front of us we asked compassionate curious questions about the deeper needs?
As we discover the deeper needs, are we not reminded of the beauty of the love of God (the gospel) and His ability to meet those needs in this moment? Could the issues actually give way to see the deeper issue and in so doing realize a much greater calling than what we have set our hearts and minds upon?
Two brothers argue about a toy. If we try to figure out who is right, we are going to hurt one. However, if with compassionate curiosity we figure out the deeper issue…the fear, the greed, the prideful desire…can’t we remind them or inform them of how God meets our deeper needs, enabling us to point to our greater calling of loving one another, of sharing?
A church leader is adamantly and vocally opposed to the vision, stirring up dissension - a poison that is beginning to impact the whole. What is the deeper issue? Fear? Rejection? Security? Can we find out with compassionate curiosity? Realizing the deeper need, can we realize the ways in which the love of God (the gospel) meet those needs? In so doing, can we figure out the greater calling - not just fixing the issue, but giving way to each others preferences?
There are only four chapters in the Bible that don’t deal with some sort of conflict: Genesis 1 & 2 and Revelation 21 & 22. The rest of the Bible is about conflicts role in helping us see the needs of own hearts (the deeper issues) and the greater calling (salvation, redemption and restoration). What a glorious grace conflict can be when we use it to see the deeper needs and how God meets those needs, and how we can respond to our greater calling. Conflict is not fun, but it can give way to immense levels of deeper joy.
